The Blunder Games
by Monkey0
Summary: An action packed, hilarious, romantic spoof of the Hunger Games. Have fun and may the odds be NEVER in your favor!
1. Prologue: The Heeping

Note: This is a parody. And parodies aren't for everyone. But if you experience cramping, nausea, explosive diarrhea, depression, or Katniss and Peeta randomly attacking you, stop reading this. Anyway, enjoy the spoof, have fun, and may the odds never be in your favor.

_The Blunder Games_

Chapter: The Heeping

I woke up, and I saw Prim's fat cat lying right next to me.

"Get away, fatass! And stop giving me the middle claw."

This was the day of the Heeping. The Heeping is where the officials of the Capitol come and pick one sexy male and one slutty female between the age of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Blunder Games, a fight to the death on live TV. Winning means fame and fortune. Losing means certain death. My twelve year old sister Prim was sitting at the table with a very scared expression.

"Katniss, am I a slut?"

"I don't know. Are you?"

"I guess not."

"Prim, the odds of being picked are one in a million."

"What if I do get picked?"

"Age twelve _and_ from District Twelve? That's double twelves—you're doomed!"

I grabbed my bow and arrow and walked outside to the woods where I met my friend Gale. After an hour of shooting animals and eating them for breakfast, Gale said something that got me thinking.

"Y'know Katnip, we could just leave all of this behind us and live in the forest."

"We wouldn't last five miles," I shrugged.

"You're right. We'd last a marathon!"

"No Gale."

"C'mon! It'll be fun. We can eat those Katniss roots you were named after. We can pet each other all day, every day."

"Are you on crack?"

"Crack, meth, heroin, they're all the same." But then a helicopter came in through the sky, and we knew what it was: a copter from the capitol. So we made a mad dash back to town, where we were all gathered into the town square. The lady in charge (whose face was entirely white) stepped out. "Katnip, she's a vampire," Gale whispered.

"What makes you say that?"

"Her face is white, she's drinking blood, and she's hanging out with Edward."

Edward approached her.

"Hey, wanna smoke?"

"Go back to Twilight," she ordered. "Welcome to the 74th annual Blunder Games, may the odds be never in your favor. Now it is time to choose one sexy male and one slutty female to represent District Twelve in the annual Blunder Games. Ladies first." She puts her hand in the girl's bowl and picks a piece of paper. "Primrose Everdeen."

"But I'm not a slut!" Prim exclaimed.

"Like I said Prim, double twelves!" I reminded her. "Twelve year olds killing each other, what could be better, am I right?" Everyone else just looked at me. "Fine, I volunteer as tribute," I groaned. Then it was the boys turn. It's Peeta Mellark. He's not sexy at all . . . why are we choosing _him_?

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you the two brave tributes representing District Twelve in the 74th annual Blunder Games."

Since I'm from District Twelve, volunteering as a tribute is regarded as a death sentence. But of course Gale comes in and tries to make me optimistic.

"Katniss, you're gonna do _great!"_

"There's twenty-four of us, Gale, only one comes out."

"Other than the Careers, look at your competition! There's power hungry freaks from District Five, grease monkeys from District Six, lumberjacks from District Seven, aliens from District Nine, losers from District Eight and Ten, and most importantly, black midgets from District Eleven!"

Then the black midget came in.

"Awh _hell _no!" she screamed.

"Gale, you're so racist."

"The point is, Katniss, you're gonna do great. You've been using a bow and arrow since day one, and you might get a spear in your head, but other than that, you're gonna be fine. Now go get 'em!"

And now Gale turns to _you_. "Now please review, continue reading, and may the odds be never in your favor!"

Sidenote: Beta'd by WildPomegranate, my older sister. Check out her stuff, she freaking rocks.


	2. Chapter One: The Capitol

Chapter two, for the kind fanfictioners who want more.

The Capitol

When we got to the capitol, Peeta got very excited and happy.

"I've been dreaming of these things my whole life—_CLEAN TOILETS!" _So he sprints in the bathroom, and it seems like he's having some wild party in there. After twenty minutes, he comes out. "Katniss, you have to try this!" We have bad hygiene issues in District Twelve.

I just look at him. "I'm not a male!" I walked away in a huff. Then I met our mentor, who won the double trouble quarter quell, which was the 50th Blunder Games, whose name was Haymitch.

"Greetings lovers from District Twelve, I am your mentor Haymitch." He seemed like he drank too much.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No, he's drunk," Said Peeta, "I'll handle this." Then he slapped Haymitch in the face twenty times.

"As you guys know, I'm gonna teach you how to survive, use a weapon, tie knots, help you get sponsors, bla bla bla. But I'll do it on one condition: you promise me a bottle of vodka."

"What are you, a Russian?"

"Russia blew up along with North America, don't you know that missy?"

"Did he just call me missy?" Peeta whispered to me. By the way, Panem remains on a place once known as North America. The people got very drunk, and some idiot started launching nuclear weapons everywhere because he hated being sober. The survivors rebuilt the land and called it Panem. The reason why we have the Blunder Games is before seventy-five years ago, there was a holiday called pie day, where we eat a lot of pie. But one year on pie day, the capitol didn't give any pie. So the Districts started protesting against the Capitol, but the Capitol won, and they blew up District Thirteen because everyone that lived there were pie addicts. The Capitol wanted to remind everyone about its power, so they picked one sexy male and one slutty female from ages twelve and eighteen from each District and threw them in an arena to fight to the death. They called it the Blunder Games because in the first year, all the tributes were complete idiots. The Capitol also banned Pie Day, which really pisses me off.

Then Haymitch introduced me to my stylist, Cinna.

"Girl, I'm gonna make you look fabulous!" He said in a gay tone.

"Are you a gay?" I asked, noticing he took my clothes off.

"Is that even a question?"

"I guess not." Then he started explaining what being a stylist was like. But without noticing, he turned some switch on that let me into the room with the other tributes, who also had their stylists doing the same thing. So it was all twenty four of us, sitting in one room, all of us having no clothes on. "Hello my fellow tributes," I said in an awkward tone. "This is very awkward."

"You could say that again," Said the girl tribute from District One. After we all got our clothes back on, the stylists put us on chariots and made us ride through an entire auditorium full of people from the Capitol. Of course the District One Tributes go riding in first. Man, Gale was right about the competition. The male from District Five had a horrible case of ADHD, some fox faced girl from District Five (so I call her fox face), two monkeys with grease all over their fur from District Six, some psyco from District Seven, saying he was from a world full of rapists and ice cream, a smart alec from District Seven, two nerds from district Eight, these freaky aliens from District Nine, a fat kid from District Ten, an anorexic from District Ten, a little girl from District Eleven, and some guy from District Eleven who was a huge jock. But when our chariot came riding in, people were shouting:

"Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!" Then I noticed that my ass was on fire.

"AAAAAAAAAA! My butt's on fire!" I screamed.

"Katniss, it's fake!" Peeta exclaimed.

"Doesn't matter. PUT IT OUT!"

"Aww, she's so cute," said the audience. After being embarrassed in front of the whole nation, our president, president Snowman, made a big speech about how the Blunder Games were a fight to the death on live TV.

"And our twenty four tributes will be trained in the art of survival- wait! I'm melting! Turn off the lights! Turn off the lights!" The guards turned off so many lights, the whole place was pitch black. "Thanks. Now, our little Tributes will enter the gym, where they will be trained and prepared to enter the arena. Now, may the odds be never in your favor! Hold on, I can't see. Someone turn on the lights." The guards turned the lights back on. "No, idiots! I'm melting again!" Peeta started holding my hand.

"You're pretty, Katniss," He said in a creep tone.

"Uh, thanks?"

Author: Sorry for leaving you guys hanging on the first chapter. But if you didn't do so, please review, add to faves, and may the odds be never in your favor. (Pause) Again!

Beta'd by WildPomegranate, my older sis.


	3. Chapter Two: The Gym

Chapter Two: The gym

The gym was pretty spectacular, I gotta say. The mentors kept on showing us clips from previous Blunder Games, like in the 70th one where everyone except for one tribute was a marathon runner.

"Hello? Can we fight now? This is getting boring. I wanna fight you guys but you all keep making laps around the arena. What is this? Can I forfeit? I want to forfeit. I'm gonna die of boredom. This is BS," said that one tribute as he was watching the other tributes go for a run. But soon, the head mentor walked out.

"Hello tributes of the 74th Blunder Games. Here we are going to prepare you to enter the arena where you will fight to the death. By the time the games are over, twenty three of you will be dead. That one survivor is the winner and gets to be a f***ed up spoiled brat for the rest of his/her life. In the arena, you guys should know the rules, there are none. But in the gym there are, so deal with it. No fighting in the gym, there's going to be lots of time for that in the arena. And-"

"OK WE GET IT JUST LET US PREPARE FOR THE ARENA!" We all shouted.

"Fine. May the odd be never in your favor." Of course my weapon's a bow and arrow. But the careers have everything. Not only that, but one named Cato was pretty flipping gorgeous, another named Clove had some pretty wicked throwing knives, and one named Glimmer had a Bow and arrow, like me. _It's on Glimmer,_ I thought to myself. The other Tributes were pretty lame. Most (including Peeta) just use a knife, the tributes from District Six had banana boomerangs and crap bombs, the District Seven tributes had hatchets, Rue from District Eleven didn't have any weapons, she just had an adorable face. (She's dying on the first day, I'm placing bets.) Thresh from District Eleven had a baseball bat. The mentors give us these mannequins to practice on. I looked at the boy from District Nine, and he's just whacking away a mannequin with a stick, but he wasn't making much progress.

"Screw the stick," he said as he took out a gun from another planet.

"They won't let you take that in the arena." I reminded

"Yeah, I know. I'm dead meat."

"District Nine, right?"

"Yup."

"I don't think you're in the right movie."

"Say what?"

"Never mind." Then the fat kid from District Ten jumped on top of the mannequin and destroyed it with his bare hands.

"Hey! I was using that," said the alien.

"Don't care. Hey Twelve, I heard you volunteered as Tribute."

"It was for my sister."

"I volunteered too!"

"But you're from District Ten. District Ten never wins."

"I know! I wanna lose weight!"

"It's the Blunder Games, not Biggest Loser."

"I thought it was the Hunger Games. NOOO! Wrong movie!" He cried.

"Welcome to his world." I pointed to the District Nine tribute.

"Hey!" But soon, Cato from District Two comes up to me.

"Hey slutty."

"No! My sister's the slut, not me!"

"Whatever, you're going to end up like that smashed up mannequin when I'm through with you." He points to the mannequin that fat kid destroyed.

"But _I_ destroyed that, so I'm going down too?"

"Yeah. You too alien." He walks away.

"Keep on flexing those abs!" I replied. After that, the tests began. After a week of preparing yourself, the officials test you from a score of one to twelve. Twelve means you're an amazing tribute and you have a big possibility of winning. One means you're hopelessly screwed. Of course the District Twelve tributes go last. When I'm up, they give me a mannequin target for me to shoot. First time I shoot, it's an epic miss and hits someone. "Sorry!" Second time, I missed and hit the wall. Three hours later, I finally hit the kill zone. But most of the officials fell asleep, and someone was delivering a cooked pig with an apple in its mouth.

"Oh, you guys like pigs and apples, huh?" Out of rage, I shoot the apple. "Screw you guys I'm out of here. If I'm gonna die, who cares? It's better than going through this crud!" Then I storm out of the room.

"Let's give her a Twelve." All the officials agreed.

A/N: Sorry I haven't been updating, I was in Boston for the week. If you haven't done so, please review, add to faves, and may the odds be never in your favor!

Beta'd by WildPomegranate.


	4. Chapter Three: The Interviews

Chapter 4: The Interviews

Now is time for the interviews. The interviews are when you get in really skinny tuxedoes and dresses and they present you in front of the Capitol people before you die a horrible death in the arena. My score from the test was a Twenty. I guess the capitol likes it when Tributes get pissed at them. Of course the District One Tributes go first, then Two, Three, Four, why am I saying this? If you don't know this by know, jump out a window. When I'm interviewed, everyone's shouting:

"Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!"

"Is my ass on fire again?" I turn around and see no fire. But five seconds later my entire red dress bursts into Cinna's fake flames. "Okay really Cinna? I'm pissed off at the Capitol again! I'm out of here. Here's Peeta Mellark." Then I shove Peeta onto the stage.

"She's still adorable," says the crowd.

"So, hi Capitol. I'm Peeta, the boy on fire?"

"Your girlfriend's a lot cuter than you are!" The crowd shouts.

"Hey! There's a girl I like back in District Twelve."

"So if you win the games you could impress her," says President Snowman. "Hey! I'm melting again!"

"Oh crud," said Caesar Flickyourdick, the host of the games.

"Turn half the lights off. Thanks."

"Winning the games wouldn't help my case."

"Why not?"

"She came here with me."

I'm thinking to myself, SHIT. Now the whole godforsaken Capitol is gonna think of Peeta and I as star crossed lovers from District Twelve. When Peeta's interview is over, he walks in and I just stare at him.

"So, you just admitted in front the whole nation that you like me?"

"Yeah. Are you mad?"

"No, you're a romancer."

"What?"

"Come on lover boy. Let's get in the bed."

"Well, it is getting late."

"No silly. The SAME bed."

"But Katniss, I'm a virgin!"

"Well think of this as doing something new."

"No!"

"You must get in the bed!" Next thing you know, I'm chasing Peeta all over the building. But after twenty minutes, I tire out. "Can I have a drink?" Someone hand me a glass of coke. "Thanks-" Then I spit it out because it's diet coke. I head up to the room and see Peeta looking out the window. "Hey, I'm sorry for trying to rape you earlier."

"Well, tomorrow I just wanna show them they don't own me. If I'm gonna die I wanna at least be me."

"But you are you, Peeta Mellark. Who do you think you are, Justin Beiber? Rebecca Black? President Obama? SpongeBob?

"Katniss, Katniss, Katniss. You're a dumb ass."

"What's a dumb ass?"

"Good night." Tomorrow, the 74th Blunder Games begin.

Note: My apologies for not updating in forever, my summer's been super packed. But it won't be anymore, so I promise for never going this long without updating again. And if you haven't done so, read the next time I update, review, and may the odds be never in your Favor!


	5. Chapter Four: The Games

Chapter 5: The Games

Today's the big day! After all the training and tests, it's time for the arena, and only one's gonna come out alive. It all starts when Cinna placed me in this tube.

"Good luck girl on fire. May the odds be never in your favor."

"That's starting to get pretty old now." The plate rises me up in the arena. I can't step off immediately, because I'd explode. Out of the intercoms, I hear Caesar Flickyourdick's voice count down.

"Three, two-"

"Squirrel!" The District Five Tribute shouted as he stepped off his plate.

"District Five Tribute with ADHD, NO!"

BOOM!

"We all saw that coming, right?"

"Yeah," we all go.

"Three, Two, One, let the 74th annual Blunder Games begin!" But instead of a blood bath, this happens.

"Hey guys how've you been?"

"I've been good. How've you been?"

"I've been fantastic. Let's just talk." Then we all start talking about our lives.

Caesar Flickyourdick clears his throat. "You know you guys can start fighting, right?"

"Oh, okay." Next thing you know, everyone starts charging for the corn shop, which is a hut full of supplies, weapons, and lots of corn which made no sense. Everyone whose made it to the corn shop is starting a huge bloodbath, but then something unexpected happens. The District Nine Tribute takes out a gun and starts shooting people.

"What? They said no rules, so I figured I could smuggle a gun."

"The Alien's got us there, Mr. President."

"No rules, huh? I DECLARE AN AUTOMATIC WIN!" shouted the District Eight Tribute. Everyone just looks at him. "It was worth a try." Then he got a knife to his head. When the bloodbath ends, half the Tributes are dead and the careers get most of the good stuff. I'm stuck with a stupid knife, because Glimmer got the only bow. Man that daughter of a female dog! I think to myself. I grab a backpack with a rope, water, and some food. I head out to find a good place to rest for the night, and the best thing I find is a big tree. I tie a rope around my waist and go to sleep, hoping that none of the others or one of the arena's many surprises come and get me in my sleep. It's not just the other Tributes you have to worry about. The gamers, the people who are in charge of the Blunder Games, could let loose wild beasts, set a forest on fire, flood the arena, put random high school students in the arena who just wanna rape the Tributes, (JK) and do other crazy things to make the Blunder Games more exciting.

The morning I wake up, there's a huge problem. There's a huge wild fire burning down the forest. Then I noticed the District Nine Tribute's burning body in the flames.

"He wasn't in the right movie anyway." I jump down and start running away from the spreading flames. Trees are being burnt down left and right, and by the time I get out of the woods, the whole forest is destroyed. I found a new tree to settle in. Then I noticed an alliance of career tributes pass by, which contained: Cato, Clove, Marvel from District One, Glimmer, the District Three male, and for some weird reason Peeta. I also saw a hive of Tracker Jackers, which are a genetically bred species of wasps whose stings can cause craziness, the urge to jump on someone and shake (which don't ask me what that means), hallucinations, and even death. But they looked like normal bees to me. But the careers didn't notice them.

This gave me an idea.

Note: See? I can keep a promise. If you haven't done so, review, add to faves if you like this, and may the odds be never in your favor!


	6. Chapter Five: The Alliances

Chapter 6: The Alliances

I quickly took out my knife and creeped closer to the Tracker Jacker nest. But honestly, I didn't get what was so dangerous about them: they looked like normal bees to me. I started hacking at the branch. Before I can finish, one of the bees comes over and stings me. I tried not to scream, because it would blow my cover from the careers. Once I'm done, the nest goes tumbling down on top of the careers. Most of them run in panic, but the bugs start to swarm over Glimmer.

"But I'm allergic to bees! AAA!" Then she dies.

"Yeah! Eat Jackers Bitch! Ouch!" I notice how the sting begins to swell. I climb down from the tree and grab the bow from Glimmer's body. But a few minutes later, I pass out.

When I wake up, my entire body is covered in leaves. I also see that adorable girl Rue right next to me.

"Hey Rue, what's with the leaves?"

"Those leaves can cure most bug bites. And one of your sponsors dropped some leg ointment. You were out for three hours by the way."

"Thanks. Leg ointment! SWEET! Thank you Haymitch!" I start smothering my swelling leg with the ointment, and realize it's SC Johnson. "Gross! I hate that company." Then I throw it off a cliff. "So, allies?"

"Yes. So, I heard you tried to rape Peeta the other night."

"No! That was a rumor." I blurt.

"I also found a way how we can take out the careers. I was spying on their hiding spot, and they put all their supplies in a big pyramid, and it's surrounded by mines. But what are they without their supplies? So, I'll start a distraction, and you blow their stuff up!"

"But where do we meet afterwards?"

"Oh, the birds can help us." Then she sings a little tune, and the birds reply.

"They're Mocking Jays! You know, I wonder what would happen if you say a bad word around them?"

"Let's try. This is Bull Shit."

"This is Bull Shit." They reply.

"But what's that bird over there?" I point out a bird with a guitar.

"That's a Rocking Jay."

"ROCK IT!" He shouts as he plays a really loud and obnoxious tune. So we go by the career's hiding spot, and Rue starts to go around the place using the trees as cover. I look at the pyramid, and their supplies are weapons, food, water, equipment, and lots of condoms.

"Who needs Condoms in the Blunder Games?" Then I see Cato and Clove chatting.

"Hey Clove how's it going?"

"Oh Cato! Give me some sugar." Then they start rolling around the field on top each other.

"That's why." Rue starts making sounds, and all of them except the District Three Tribute go and investigate. I shoot a bag of apples, and one of them falls and hits the mines.

BOOM!

"Our condoms! WHO DID THIS?" Cato points to the District Three Tribute. "It was you!"

"No it wasn't! And relax, they're just condoms."

"They're quality condoms, bozo!

"Bozo's not even-" Then Cato snapped his neck, killing him. I quickly run off, and hear something.

"Katniss! Katniss!" I charge into the meadow, and see Marvel throw a spear at Rue! I quickly take an arrow and shoot his neck.

"You got me partner…" He says in a cowboy voice. Then he dies.

"That was anti-climactic."

"But Rue, you have a spear in your body."

"No Sh- ouch!" I quickly run over to her. "Did you blow the stuff?"

"Yea."

"Katniss, win the games for me. And tuck Prim in every night. And brush your teeth every day. And don't eat too much fast food I want you to watch your calories. And-"

"OK RUE I GET IT JUST DIE!"

"One more thing."

"What?"

"Sing to me."

I start singing. "I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES, SINGIN' AYO! GOTTA LET GO! I WANNA CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE, SINGIN' AYO! BABY LET'S GO!" Then all the Tributes have a dance party. "CAUSE WE GONNA ROCK THIS CLUB, WE CAN GO ALL NIGHT- Wait, she's dead." Then I start sobbing.

I hear over the intercom: "Attention all Tributes, now there can be Two winners! But they have to be from the same District." Wow, did not see that one coming.

"I knew I'd have sex with Peeta eventually!"

Note: Wow, this was a long chapter. But if you haven't done so, please review, add to faves, and may the odds be never in your favor!


	7. Chapter Six: The Monster

Chapter Seven: The Monster

I'm walking around the woods, shouting Peeta's name everywhere.

"Peeta! Peeta! Come out where ever you are! We need to have sex already!" But then I see Peeta by the water. "Peeta!"

"Katniss!" Next thing you know, we're hugging each other. "I love you Katniss!"

"Me, too!"

"Aww," all the other Tributes go.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Peeta and I shout.

"Alright, jeez. We didn't want to miss the juicy details," they respond.

Peeta showed me to this little cave to where he was staying this whole time. It was getting pretty late, and the two of us were getting very sleepy.

"Tell me a story, Katniss." He asked. Story? I'm not good with stories. So I came up with one from the top of my head.

"Once upon a time, there was a fat sex addict. One day, he was determined to molest every little kid in town. After he raped everyone, he exploded. The End."

"That was awful!"

"Do I look like Dr. Seuss to you? I'm not a mother beeping story teller. Do you have any ideas?"

"A kiss goodnight?"

"Okay." Then we started making out in a cave with the whole Capitol tweeting this kiss.

(Back in District Twelve)

The makeout between Peeta and Katniss is aired. Gale and Prim are watching it.

"Eh. I'm getting married to Miley anyway," said Gale.

"Are you serious? That's an awful kiss!" said Prim as she turned the TV off.

(Back in the arena)

The next morning, I was sleeping, and Peeta was on watch duty.

"Katniss?"

"Peeta, I don't wanna snuggle."

"No, KATNISS!" He points out a thirty foot tall monster made of Katniss roots.

"Wow, these Gamers are very creative."

"Yeah." Then we started running for our lives.

"Let's see how Katniss can deal with herself folks!" said Caesar.

We were running through the trees, because they would slow the monster down. But the monster was destroying everything in his path. But then Peeta pulled out a loaf of bread and starting singing.

"When I walk out the shop, this is what I see, Katniss Everdeen is staring at me,"

"Oh crap not this song again."

"I have a loaf in my hands and I ain't afraid to throw it, throw it, throw it. I'M PEETA AND I KNOW IT." He throws the bread at the beast's mouth. Then it goes away, because the bread tastes delicious.

"Attention all Tributes, there's something at the Corn shop you all desperately need.

"I'll go Peeta, you stay here." I start walking to the corn shop, to see Clove with a handful of knives. She throws them at me, but I dodge them. I shoot an arrow, but it misses. Afterwards she pinned me to the ground.

"Where's lover boy now?" she told me with a creepy smile.

"Clove, you're invading my space."

"Sorry," she said as she backed up.

"Lover boy? At least I wasn't rolling around with Cato and a bunch of Condoms!"

"YOU did that!? I'm gonna stab your face!"

"I'm gonna shoot your face! You killed Rue!"

"Now, I'll kill you!"

"Not before I shoot you first!"

"Oh yeah? Well I'm going to carve you up like a jack-o-lantern!"

"I'm going to boil your skin off!"

"I'm going to chop your legs off!"

Thresh walks in. "Girls—"

"You think you're so tough? I'm going to torture you so bad!"

"Oh bitch, _please—"_

"LADIES!" Thresh bellows. "Clove, did you kill Rue?"

"Yeah," she responded.

Thresh took his bat and wacked Clove, sending her flying.

HOME RUN!

"Thresh! You just had the best five second scene ever!"

"Just this time Katniss, for Rue!" He grabs the thing he needs and storms off.

I stare at him. "I'm confused."

Note: my first fan fic is almost complete! Now please review if you haven't done so, and may the odds be never in your favor!"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: The Victor

I give Peeta the medicine from the corn shop, and he's healing his wounds pretty quickly.

"Let's go hunting, we're out of food," peeta insisted. "I'll take the bow."

"Aw _hell_ no! Ain't no effin' way you getting your punk ass hands on my bow! Who are you, Glimmer?"

"Katniss, you're not the black midget. And I was joking."

"Alright, you go left, I go right. Be back here in twenty minutes. As I'm looking around for animals to hunt, I notice Cato sobbing over Clove's dead body.

"She was my last sex toy… =sobs=" I roll my eyes and hear a cannon fire.

Then I start freaking out. _What if it was Peeta?_ I thought. I start running around shouting Peeta's name franticly.

"Peeta! Peeta! Wow this is so déjà vu. Peeta!" Then I bump into him, noticing that he's holding berries. "Peeta, what the heck are you doing?! Those are nighlock berries! They're poisonous!"

"I didn't know! Take a chill pill!"

"Okay." Then I take a pill and dunked it in a cup of liquid nitrogen and ate it. "But if it wasn't you that died, who did?" Peeta pointed to Foxface's dead body.

"I didn't know she was sneaking up on me. She took some berries out of my pocket and ate them."

"Wow, she was one smart ass tribute."

"She was too much of a smart ass for my taste."

"Am I still a Dumb ass?"

"Yes."

"I still don't know what it means." Then the fat kid from District Ten appeared.

"Hey guys, I lost fifteen pounds!"

"That's good for you," I tell him.

"Is that a berry bush over there? I'm starving after a long diet!" He goes to the berry bush.

"Wait, those are-" the kid ate the berries and fell to the ground dead. "Poisonous," Peeta finished.

We were walking around for a couple hours, and then it started to get very dark.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Maybe the gamers are in a rush to end the games. There's only four of us left, you know," then we hear a cannon shot and see Thresh's face in the sky. "Make that three Tributes."

All the sudden we hear rustling in the bushes. But instead of Cato, it's just a cute little puppy.

"Aww, it's a puppy," then it bites my hand, making it bleed. "Bad puppy! Run!" As we're running, we notice an entire pack of evil puppies chasing us. We quickly drop everything except our weapons and climb on top of the corn shop to see Cato waiting for us. I try shooting him, but he has body armor!

"What are you, a knight?" I ask. He grabs Peeta and puts him in a head lock.

"Go on! Shoot either of us and we both fall and you win."

"Cato, as much as I want to shoot your face, at the same time I just want to stare at your gorgesnous."

"Katniss!" Peeta whined.

"No, no. I totally understand." He lets go of Peeta and takes his shirt off. "I'm a gorgeous Cato and I know it," then he started dancing like he was drunk.

"Hey! That's my song!" Said Peeta as he pushed Cato off the Corn Shop.

"Aww, puppies!"

"ROAR!"

"Uh oh." After twenty minutes of watching Cato get eaten alive by puppies, I think he's too hot to die like this and shoot his head. The light comes back, and the puppies leave.

"We won the Blunder Games." I remark.

"No shit," peeta replied.

"Attention Tributes, the book strictly says there can only be one winner, so, you two can kill each other. May the odds be never in your favor."

"That is just _bull shit!_"

"I still have the berries." Peeta holds out the berries.

"Together?"

"Together," We put the berries in our mouths.

"Just kidding. We have our winners!"

We spit the berries out.

"Really Caesar?" Peeta and I say together.

(Back in the Capitol hall.)

"And the winners of the Seventy-Fourth annual Blunder Games are," says Caesar with a dramatic pause, "ME! For hosting these games in the first place!"

He takes out to guns. "Now get the f*** out of here." Then he shot us both.

Note: It's complete! I know I might some hate for the ending, but hey. Not every story has to end in a happy ending, right? Now if you haven't done so, please review, and may the I'm not gonna say it. I just won't.

THE END


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